by Raci Angel e-mail
There is an echo about me
Silence sinking into my surroundings
Wooden floors,
The walls,
All seem to call out
In this muted tone.
I lean back here
Sliding further into the couch cushions
Thinking,
Hoping,
But mostly allowing this
Letting this void fill me.
Been empty for too long
Knowing this now,
Has stemmed a ache within
Something I almost would give anything
Anything at all to quench.
Why my thoughts fall here
I may not know.
This silence,
The vague echo of nothing
Should lock me into sorrow
Longing
Even fear...
It usually does.
Closing my eyes,
I wonder why not now.
What has caused such a change
A welcoming calm within?
Nothing makes a sound
No noise of walking feet
No voices
Can not even hear my heart beating
Yet somehow I feel them
I know that even in this numbing moment
Even I can not remain hollow forever.
~April 29, 2006 (c)
As each tear falls
I think of rain
Wishing I might hide
Let the sounds it offers craddle me
I'm supposed to be alright
This should not smart so
But it does
Just the thought of seeing them
My heart skips a beat
Then crashes brutally
Can not move beyond this
Though I try
Can not stop how I feel
In spite of longing to be numb
All I gave
Sank to nothing
I gave all I could
Hoping in time I could offer more
Offer everything I am
The time has come
And gone
Tears burn my flesh
Where once I was caressed
Carving scars far deeper
More prominant
Then any before them
I want it to stop
Want seeing them
Not to leave me in this state
They say if you love
To release it
Want seeing them
Not to leave me in this state
They say if you love
To release it...
If it is true
It returns
No one ever tells you
What happens
When they don't come back
No one ever thinks about it
No one but me
~ May 5, 2006 (c)